matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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