I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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