Welp...herpes.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
