i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
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I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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