everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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