so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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