Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
They are going to name an STD after you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
