the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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