my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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