I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
