Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
