i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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