I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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