there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
