i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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