it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
