chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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