I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
