If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
