I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
