I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
