What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
