I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.