Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass