I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.