cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.