She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize