i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
