They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
