Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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