i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
