please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
