I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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