so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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