The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
