We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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