I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
