This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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