So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
