Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
