I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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