just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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