Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
