We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Semen is not good for contacts.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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