you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
