So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
