If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
