On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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