Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
