Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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