They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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