like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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