Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
