hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
barbara walters just said penis...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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