he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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