They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
