I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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