There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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