So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just found puke in my bra..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
