Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
