tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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