I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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