So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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