I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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