just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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