dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
