the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
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Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
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He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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