Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
