did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
