Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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