my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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