NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
