some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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