With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
