Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
