i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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