Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
