Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize