Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
